Here is some more wisdom from the Internet which made it in to my inbox and turned me in to an obsessive, compulsive, nervous wreck. Well ..., it could have, if I really believed everything I read, took it to heart, and lived accordingly.
- I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
- Thanks to all of you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
- Because of your concerns, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
- I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
- I no longer use cling wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
- Thanks to your concerns, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause my instant death when it bites me.
- I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some oil companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.
- I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
- I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
Oh, by the way . . .
- A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their email with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Okay, that last is probably not true either, but I wonder how many people, who would get that in their inbox, would freak out and look for ways to activate their brain.
I suspect they would look for the solution on the Internet. Grin.
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